Well Friday was the big test, it was my official diagnosis with ADHD. And boy was it an eye opener. I don't just have ADHD, I scored almost off the charts.
It's not about your physical hyperactivity, which in my case is seriously downplayed by the fibro, but it's mostly mental. The psychologist apologized to me that no one has ever caught it before. Teachers, school counselors, doctors, anybody.
He said there are usually two responses when people are diagnosed. "If I had only known"... how much of my life would have been easier, would have been different, where I would be if I had been treated when I was younger. I admit that thought has crept into my my mind but I push it away immediately. I'm still very young with so much life left. And you can't LIVE when you are regretting the past! :)
The other is excitement at feeling like Superman. Like you are yourself, but in control and it gives a huge sense of power over yourself and your life. That's what I'm enjoying! I will start treatment this Friday, hooray!
Not only having this diagnosis, but to what extent, has been a HUGE eye opener about my life. And my psych put it this way... yes, I could think "i could have tried harder". But like any other condition .... diabetes, cancer, allergies, migraines... you can't "will" yourself to be better. And that's a terrific perspective!
So I am proud to say that I have ADHD. It's like knowing that not only am I intelligent, but almost too much. LOL... and now I have the tools to put my brain in order :)
It also helps that I found an acquaintance of mine also has ADHD. I never knew. We never knew each other well, but just in the last few weeks we have really started to become great friends. It's so amazing to have conversations with him, because it's like I've been living in a place where I don't speak the language and I'm barely getting by talking with other people in broken sentences. And then I talk to this friend of mine and suddenly I have someone who speaks the same language. And we can communicate!
I slept so well the first night we had a lengthy conversation of 4 hours LOL. Imagine all day you are holding yourself back, constantly refocusing, restraining, focusing, refocusing, refocusing, blocking your thoughts, refocusing again. It's exhausting, as if a racing mind isn't tiring enough haha. But then you can talk to someone who's brain is wired just like yours.
So you start to talk and the conversations moves a thousand miles an hour and you just let loose. Talking about everything from food, sports teams, things your sister does, shoes, television, genetic cancer treatment, ethics, religion, cults and human vulnerability, movies, pets, work, mathematical theory, and our favorite alcohols and why. I can let my thoughts go, jump from topic to topic, and he not only follows but is communicating the same way. It's like a huge intake of knowledge and mental aerobics simultaneously!
No wonder I slept like a baby! LOL... So though I can't take hours a day to talk about everything in my head, it was nice to have a rare chance to try it out. With someone who speaks my language.
onward and upward with joy...
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