Ok, a little less light hearted than normal, but this was a tough one for me. I woke up again last night feeling like the Indy 500 was going on in my head. As long as I was awake and up I could control my thoughs and force my mind to relax. But the second I lay down and close my eyes, relaxing is like releasing control and my mind goes haywire. I feel like my thoughts are racing and there is so much I'm thinking about so fast, I want to step outside my body, grab myself by the shoulders and yell "STOP!"
It's exhausting to sleep. I can't even begin to list the things I was thinking about. Spraying the kitchen for pests because it's that time of year, cleaning my car, where to buy a booklight for Caleb, bugs flooding my bedroom, did I turn off the power strip for my laptop, why didn't my sister call me about her engagement, don't forget to check the mail, take some pieces of blown glass for a beach shoot, there is a farmer's market tomorrow that sells the ferns that taste like asparagus, did I call in a prescription refill, I have to prep for the meeting at work, I think my AC needs charging, I have to write how how that stretch was hard for my PT, how can I help Brittani learn to expand her cooking skills for when she leaves, did I get back to Juano about my logo or did I just think about it.....my entire week dumped into my head, mix with crazy dreams, shake well and bake for 30 minutes...
Imagine all of that, multiply times 4 and cram it into the the first two minutes I lay down. Is it wonder I literally jolt up in bed and nearly start crying because I can't take it? *sigh* It was so much easier and so much less exhausting to just stay awake. In fact I felt more rested from not sleeping.
It's not like that every day, usually it's much more toned down. Either way, I dread nighttime, it's a fight to relax, to sleep. It feels like it's fleeting when it comes. And when I wake up I'm more exhausted than the day before. *deep breath*
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